Changes.

So it is now 2016 and I am now 20. I'll be turning 21 this year. It's been a little while since I blogged on here so I do apologise for that. I now have another blog. I decided to start fresh as I had mainly used this blog to get out everything about my anxiety and past and I felt I needed a different one for my future. I'm not sure if that makes sense to most of you but I just needed a slight change. I'll still try and post things on here but if you wanted to see my other one it is called Fears&Makeup and it is linked to this one so all my posts on here will stay.

This blog was mainly to help people that felt how I did whereas this new one is slightly different. If you prefer the type of posts on here then feel free to let me know and I will carry them on but if you want something slightly different aswell as this then check it out.

I hope everything is going well for all of you and I hope 2016 will be the best year for you all. Don't forget if you ever need any help at all I will be here!

-Char x

Pretty Little Liars -A Reveal (CONTAINS SPOILERS)

Well..

The time has come and A has been revealed.. 

What a disappointment.

Now I love this show and I got so obsessed so fast but does anyone else feel this way? I mean I haven't invested 5 years into this show I didn't really find out about it till quite late. I started watching this year and I watched it all within a couple of months. Me and my mum watched it together and we had a couple of different theories but our main one was Wren as it just made more sense to us. There were a LOT of great theories but CECE?!?!?!?! 

WHAT?!

Nothing about this makes sense.. It literally felt like it was put together in a week or something. I didn't feel shocked at all and it just wasn't an OMG moment which is what I wanted it to be. Parts of this episode were great like the storyline was good and I would of believed it if I was naive. But unfortunately I'm not and I remember alot of things that happened before which just means that it didn't add up.

For example.. 

Cece/Charlotte/Charles/A said that Bethany had killed Toby's mum by pushing her off the roof at Radley when they were little kids but.. Cece is older than Alison so if this is true then that means that Toby would of hardly known his mum but you can clearly see in a previous episode that Toby's mum walked in on Alison and Toby when they were about to kiss when they were teenagers.. so how could she of possibly been killed when cece was a little boy?? Doesn't quite add up right? Another thing, when did Cece have this sex change? I'm pretty sure it doesn't happen over night. You don't have the operation and all the hormone tablets and stuff like that and then recover and look perfect in the space of a few hours which is what Charles would of had giving he got let out for his own funeral..

The storyline isn't strong there are a lot of holes in it and I know I'm not the only one that actually thought this.. Also why has Sara Harvey got two main roles when shes not a big member of the cast? She has no motive what so ever? What are we meant to think of her? What if she isn't really Sara but actually Bethany?..

There are so many more things I could say on this subject but I'd like to hear what you think so let me know..

-Char

Nearly a year...

So it has almost been a year since me and my boyfriend starting dating.

For most people this would be a time to spoil them like crazy and go out and do something fancy. For me on the other hand, I am so happy and thankful to be with the man I'm with as he is very understanding but this is also a bad thing..

I love him so much and I want to do all these great and amazing things with him on our anniversary week I want to spoil him because he is so perfect to me. He doesn't pressure me with leaving the house and things like that because of my anxiety. This just makes me appreciate him so much more considering my past partners haven't been like that and have actually been so rude and mean about my anxiety. He really deserves a great week.. 

So how can I do something spectacular for him when I struggle to leave the house?...

There are a few places I am comfortable with being and even though they aren't the most romantic of places he will still appreciate the effort..

Anyhow the moral of this little tiny story is no matter what you do for someone big or small if they know your situation and know how doing little things like going for a meal is such a big deal to you then they will appreciate it because even if you just go for a walk around a lake or the canal or even the park then they know just how hard that could be for you and it will be special to them even if you have to stop every now and then just for a breather and to take it all in what you're actually doing.

There is nothing better than seeing the love and seeing how proud they are of you when you achieve something like that. 

No matter what the circumstances may be if you take your time doing things you will feel the benefits later on even if you just start small doing little things. If no one else tells you, I'd just like to say well done for everything you did today:)

-Char

Sainsbury's Candles. Review.

Candles...

What is it about them? Is it seeing the flame flickering or the scent or just the feeling you get when you light a candle and you feel calm and relaxed that makes them so great? I don't know? 

There are ALOT of different candles out there some being a lot more popular than others. But have you ever noticed with some of the more popular brands the candles don't actually last that long and even when they do the scent can tend to vanish?.. 

There are a couple of candles that I am completely in LOVE with! They can be so so so relaxing so I thought I would share them with you:)

These three candles are all from Sainsbury's Supermarket.

1. Orchid and Sweet Coconut. 

This candle is so soothing and calming. It's truly beautiful! The candle describes itself as 'A sweet coconut fragrance layered with lush orchid, bamboo and a hint of citrus'

I'm not usually a fan of the scent of coconut. I find it to be quite sickly and I just really don't like it. So when I first got a whiff of this candle I was surprised at how quickly I fell in love with it. I have purchased so many of them but the scent just lasts throughout the whole of the candle and they last for ages aswell. I would highly recommend this candle 100% I don't even know how to describe the scent apart from saying its sweet but not too sweet and you just kinda want to eat it haha.

Okay so yes these next two are Christmas candles and for that I do apologise...

2. Christmas Tree.

I am a MASSIVE fan of Christmas, it is my absolute fav time of the year but unfortunately the candles aren't great in my opinion. They are either way too sweet and they just smell sickly or they smell way to strong of cinnamon. But one main thing I notice about them is they don't actually smell like what they are supposed to most of the time. This one however is absolutely gorgeous! It doesn't even need to be lit for you to smell it but when you light it oh my! You know the smell when you get the christmas tree in the house for the first time. The smell of the needles or if you have a fake tree when you get it out the box alot of the time when you are separating the branches you'll find this scent. It is amazing and when I feel slightly down I will find myself lighting this candle just because it is such a christmas scent and its so beautiful.

3. Christmas Spice.

As I said before usually Christmas Spice is way too over powering as just burns the inside of my nose or I choke haha but I actually find this candle to be just the right mix of all christmas scents. It has a hint of cinnamon but it also has hints of orange and it also has a slight scent of christmas tree aswell. Usually when I light candles I will only have the one candle it at a time and I did that the first few times with these two christmas candles but the scent of them both were so amazing I thought I'd try them both together and they make such a great pair. When they are both lit together the scent will fill your house and it makes it feel and smell so warm and it truly just smells amazing and like christmas. 

I find certain things and smells can relax me instantly. Christmas is a massive calming time for me and I love all things to do with christmas. If I have a sick day or I'm really not feeling great at all I will just whack on a christmas film or even just light a candle and relax and I instantly feel better and calmer. 

All these three candles are beautiful and smell amazing and I highly recommend them all.

They are all candles from Sainsbury's and they are great the only downfall are they are so amazing you might have to buy quite a few haha.

Product Review. Aveeno Moisturising Cream.

Okay so start with I should probably write about my skin type.

I have dry sensitive skin on my face. With certain products my face will burn and it can be that bad that my skin will peel off and I wont be able to put any product on my face at all.

Aveeno is a cream designed to hydrate and to soothe the skin. It is mainly used for dry skin and Eczema  prone skin. It is a product that is suitable for all skin types.

When I don't use any product on my face my skin will go all tight and sore, it will also begin to crack and then the skin (mainly on my cheeks) will start to peel off. It's painful and it hurts to even wash with water. 

With other creams it wouldn't have any effect with my skin it would just layer over it and I would end up having to put the cream on my face and scratch my the dead cracked skin off. This was painful and made my cheeks bright red but I had to do it with every product I used. 

When I used Aveeno for the first time I was skeptical as I had tried so many products that claim they are good for sensitive dry skin.

But...

When I first put the cream on it sunk straight into my skin and my skin immediately felt soft and smooth. Well compared to how it was before after I put cream on. In the morning after I had cleansed my face I used the cream again and I noticed a massive difference, my skin wasn't as flaky and the redness had gone down. My skin wasn't too sore to touch and to top it all of the cream didn't burn as I put it on. YAY!

After using the cream for two weeks my skin was pretty much perfect and just how I wanted it to be. It wasn't sore, my skin was extremely soft and I genuinely felt so much better using it. 

I have currently been using Aveeno cream for about 2 years now and I can honestly say I don't even feel any need to try any other type of creams, I don't need to add alot of products to my face to feel like my skin is getting everything it needs. My makeup applies alot smoother and easier now my dry skin has cleared up.

Before when I wore foundation my I was so conscious that all you could see was my dry skin underneath it looked like scales and ew it was horrible I hated it but now I am so much happier and I can even leave my house without any foundation or concealer on because I know that my skin actually looks nice now.

Aveeno definitely gets a massive tick in my books!

If you would like to read more about Aveeno or buy some then this is their main website.  UK SITE: http://www.aveeno.co.uk/ 

They also sell this product in shops like Superdrug and Boots and they also sell it in Pharmacy's. This product can also be prescribed by a doctor if they feel your skin is bad enough for it.

Big Changes.

So, Big Changes.. Big changes are petrifying but we all need them.

If we didn't have changes we'd never grow and become this person that we're really supposed to be.

To someone going through some sort of mental health illness a thing as 'simple' as making sure you get out of bed in the morning and even getting dressed out of your jammies. To some people that's like a normal thing but when you feel so hopeless and down it feels like you don't need to do these things because there is no point in starting a day that'll end the same as all the others. Am I right?..

Well the sad truth is just something as simple as that small task is a massive thing for some people to do.

So by big changes I don't mean to do something that is that terrifying that you go back a few steps I mean start small. Them small changes that you start to make will actually be bigger than anything because you need them first small steps to be able to move anywhere.

So if today you're thinking about getting out of bed tomorrow and getting ready to just go outside and sit in your garden for abit and then stay out of bed for the day and even opening the curtain/blinds then that's something. Just try and make sure that you don't just leave it as a thought. When you have no energy or you have a lack of motivation push yourself just a little bit, you'll find just putting yourself into a slight routine will actually make a difference. A days go on you'll find it easier to get out of bed and easier to be able to not just go in your garden. You'll find it'll probably not be as much of a struggle to even go to your corner shop.

Its all in you. 

You can all do it. 

Just take the time to believe in yourself and you'll be able to do these things.

Big changes are different to everyone what may be small to some can be gigantic to others.

'We can't control all in life... but what we can do is look ahead and dictate where we go next' - Demi Lovato Staying Strong 365 Days A Year.

Update and a Ramble

Okay so to start with.. I'm sorry:( I'm so sorry for not posting in a while. There isn't even any excuse I can give either. To start with my laptop stopped working, I'm not even sure how but the internet wouldn't come on for two months and then after that I kind of forgot how to write a blog post again haha but hopefully this one wont be so bad.


First of here is a little update on how things are going with me. 

The whole dad situation has gone completely out of the window. Like entirely, his last words to me actually were " You might aswell pretend that I am dead because I don't want you to talk to me again " ... wow...
So yeah we aren't talking.. again.. shocker!

Dancing has changed. We've got an AMAZING new Ballet teacher, She's so lovely and she also suffers with anxiety and  panic attacks so we have a lot in common and she's so nice and easy to talk to and we just along instantly and I would now class her as one of my best friends. But dancing has also got very stressful for me at the moment. A few people have been leaving dancing and as alot of them class me as the mum of the group I feel like it needs to be me to sort it out. It's just hard seeing all these people that you love and care about just leave and you don't know if they will stay in contact, I mean I've known alot of these girls since they were little, I've seen them grow up into the young beautiful ladies they are now and its so upsetting to think I'm not going to get to see them any more. I know thats just me being paranoid but I do genuinely care about these people and I always just want the best for them.

I have a dance show coming up on the 13th December ahhh!! Exciting but Scary :( I love dancing and I love giving people entertainment but the fear of messing up and things going wrong and people not showing up terrifies me like so much! 

I wasn't to sure whether or not to post this but I now have a  boyfriend. Luckily he's rather amazing and if I'm having a down day then he does sit and listen ( even though he probably has no idea what I'm talking about ) and then when I've stopped my ranting he'll give me a cuddle and make me a hot drink and put on one of my fav films which is lovely bless him.


But on the down side...


Over the past two - three months now I've had some trouble. 

1. Sleep. 
On a good night I get about 6-7 hours sleep but pretty much every other night I get 4-5 hours sleep. I can be so tired and feel so exhausted but as soon as I get into bed my mind works so much and I can't go to sleep.

2. Pains.
I've had some pains in my stomach. I'm not sure what they are but they get alot worse when I start to panic. I do believe they are caused by stress and my anxiety but its starting to get to the point where I feel like I'm going to have to go to the doctors to make sure. They are in my lower stomach and every now and then its just a cramping feeling but I'm getting it throughout the month like day and night non stop. The only time it seems to settle down is when I'm that zoned out I'm not thinking about it or I'm too busy to think about it. I've had this type of thing before from my anxiety ( Just a horrible add on effect I'm afraid ) so hopefully it will go once my dance show is over? I don't know but we'll see.

3. Arguments.
Me and mum have been going through abit of a rough patch.. Mum has had alot of stress from work and I'm the only person she see's that she can release that on to. So as you can imagine there have been a few arguments in our household but we seem to be getting better now.

4. Break Downs.
So as I mentioned above I have had a few days where all I've done is cry all day. One of the main reasons as to why and all I've been saying on them days is " I just want to escape "  
" I wish I could just have at least a 10 min tea break " Yes that all sounds very confusing to some people but if anyone else reading this suffers with a 'Mental Illness' whatever it may be I'm sure you understand. It's hard to explain to someone what you mean by them statements above they think we may mean literally like to go on a Caribbean cruise or something like that but we don't. What we're really trying to say is, we just want a break from our own minds.


 The mind is a powerful thing and its hard to switch it off. If you're like me and you over think everything to the point of when you're about to break then its hard. It's also hard when people that can go out and get a job then come back to you and say  "You don't understand" or "You can just sit at home all day and do nothing I only get one break" But all I can think is, it must be nice to get a break though.. It may seem to some people that I'm sat at home doing nothing but I'm constantly doing something. I'm constantly battling with myself and most of the time I feel like I'mm loosing and I'd be lying if I said any different. But if you don't suffer with a mental illness please please please don't tell them about how easy they have it because we really don't have it easy at all. Imagine someone constantly beating you down, everything  you do they drag you down and when you should be enjoying yourself they turn it into a horrible experience. Now imagine that 24/7 in your head where no one else can see whats happening. If you think that's easy be my guest and borrow my anxiety for just one day because I'm sure you'd come out of the experience feeling alot different than before.


I'm sorry this was such a long post but I'd like to know what some of you think about people that think anxiety is an easy excuse out of things. As always I'm always here to talk to anyone that needs it.

Twitter- @Chaar_Louise_H

Email- chaar.louise7@icloud.com


I hope you are all well and have a good day!

Love char x