Finding what really matters.

Feeling stressed, Anxious, Nervous and Upset? When it gets to the time where you start to question whether anything is worth it anymore?

I mean WHY? Why should you have to go through all of this? Why is it right for you to feel like you cant do something or be yourself?

How is it fair for you to feel trapped inside yourself? The TRUTH is, it's not fair. It's not fair at all and its not right. You are as important as everyone else! Don't question yourself!

Whether it's a person or the thing you're doing that's making you uncomfortable and uneasy, you need to start asking yourself, Is it really worth it?

You shouldn't be feeling this way and you need to start asking yourself do I really need to do this? Do I need to put myself through this all the time?

It's hard to make big decisions on whether to stop something or not but sometimes you have to.

My passion is dancing, I love it and I've done it from a very early age. I love it with all my heart and I love choreographing so it was only natural for me to do a dance course at college. Luckily I had the privilege of being able to go to college to do performing arts while I was at school. We did a day release and went there. At first I was so excited and just a little nervous but I couldn't wait. But on the first day of going I had to catch a bus there. I got onto the bus I felt sick and I was okay for the first few minutes then I went lightheaded and I knew I was going to be sick so I had to get off but the driver wasn't stopping so I started to have a panic attack luckily I was with a girl I knew from school. She got off the bus with me and stayed with me while I was being sick outside. She then called my mum who picked me up from work and then took me there myself. Even though I was so scared and worried I still wanted to go so once mum got me there I sat with a girl I knew when I was younger and we then got on the shuttlebus together and when I got off that bus and was at the college I was sick once again. I didn't let it stop me though I still went because I knew if I stopped and went home I would be the exact same the next time. So I stuck it out and was hoping the next week would be easier. Turns out it wasn't. I was still sick in the morning and ended up passing out aswell. This carried on and I was passing out and having fits and ugh it was awful. But I didn't let it stop me because as soon as I got there I was fine. A little tired from the passing out but I was okay and I could cope. 

Then I left school. I passed my course I got an 'A*' so I was over the moon. 

Once I left school I decided to go back to the same college and do Dance Level 3.
I figured that I knew the staff there I knew people that were on the course and I knew the building so it'd be easier for me.

I was wrong. Sooooo wrong. Infact I got worse. I was passing out and having fits every day I had college which was 4/5 days. so it was mega hard for me. I was constantly feeling drained and tired because I wasn't sleeping. All of my energy was wiped when I passed out. I was always in pain because I was so tired and sometimes I really hurt myself when I passed out. It started to get to the point where I thought about killing myself. I got so depressed and I even got too scared to leave my house. I felt like I wasn't worth anything and I felt bad because every time I passed out it upset my mum. I didn't want that. I didn't want to see my mum holding the tears back or pretending that she's not crying. She was being so strong and I couldn't cope with knowing I was upsetting her and it wasn't fair putting her through all that. So when it came down to it. I thought I was a massive burden and I thought the best way to sort things out was to end my life. Luckily my best friend talked me out of it and I'm eternally grateful to him. So from that point I realised that college wasn't worth this. It's not worth me wanting to end my life and crying every night and day. So I told my mum I didn't want to go anymore she didn't understand why at first but I plucked up the courage and told her how I was really feeling and what was happening and she agreed it would be the best thing for me to do. 

Unfortunately not that long after all this happened my best friend that helped me through it passed away. It was extremely hard for me And before the funeral I was sick and I passed out. I kept saying I couldn't go because I didn't think I could face it. But after talking to a lovely kind person that knew Jeavon I knew I'd regret it so much not going. I knew I owed it to him to go to his funeral and I knew that it really mattered so I went and even though I was shaking alot and felt sick I knew it was the right thing to do and I was right.

Some things in life matter and others not so much. 

If something makes you feel so down and stressed ask yourself is it worth it?






Also I'd like to apologise for no post last week I had a dance show and I was gone from 2-11:30

And I couldn't do one before I left as I had been sick from nerves and I had to get ready. Sorry!:(