This Week

This week started by being one of the best weeks for me so far but slowly ended up being one of the worst.

This week on Tuesday I had a minor op on my two big toes. I ended up getting my toenails removed. I was so nervous about it but I was so proud of myself and for the first time in a long time I told myself how good I did. Usually in this type of situation I would pass out and be sick. But none of that happened. I went into the room and I was calm and I put my earphones in and I just sat back and relaxed as the woman did it.

I haven't felt so proud of myself in such a long time I was pretty much on top of the world. I felt like I was ready to face the world head on and I knew that things were getting better.

BUT THEN...

On Thursday I had to go and get the bandages changed on my toes. So I went back to the place where I had my toes done and I was nervous and abit scared about it but I still managed to get there without being sick. But then After the woman had removed all my dressings she started to talk to me about some risks that can happen all of a sudden I started to feel a little weird. I just tried to stay calm and breathe but I could feel myself going so I grabbed mums hand and looked at her. It felt like it was all in slow motion but the next thing I knew I had my mum, the woman doing my toes and a random man standing over me with a bucket being put on my chest under my chin. 

I passed out.. I could hear my mum talking to me asking me if I was okay but I couldn't talk or even move my arms at all and I couldn't keep my head up and I was struggling to keep my eyes open. 
Like you know when you're on the sofa or something and you're so tired but you're trying really hard to stay awake and your eyes keep closing and you shoot them back open? yeah that's what was happening.

So after what seemed like a lifetime I finally started to come back round and the woman carried on with my dressings and I was all done. 

It's safe to say I was shaky and terrified after that

I got home and had a nap but I was so scared and I just felt like crying. I felt like I had let myself down. I was so disappointed. But then I spoke to my best friend Chloe and just letting her know how I felt she told me that I shouldn't feel that way and she was so sweet and I didn't feel so bad about myself anymore. 

The thing you need to remember is you don't have to feel alone because there are people out there that care about you no matter what! If you feel like you don't have anyone you can talk to me and I'll be here for you!