Horrible feels.

Lately things just haven't really been the same for me.

I'm not sure if its just because of passing out and its set me back or if its because of things to do with my dad but everything has just got so ontop of me and I just feel so overwhelmed with everything. 

At the beginning of the year I was quite content with everything how it was. I was happy and finally in a place where I was starting to feel like I could maybe go places and start to do things a little more and I was starting to feel better. I mean I still had some days where I felt awful and I still had anxiety about going places  but I didn't feel as bad and yet now it's sort of like I'm back at square one.

I'm going to be honest and hold my hands up and say I feel disappointed and deflated. I feel like I've let myself down and I don't have the energy to pick myself up right now. I've been trying so so hard to push a smile on my face for everything and it's just exhausting. If you feel the same as me you'll know exactly how I'm feeling right now. I'm getting annoyed at the silliest things, I feel all paranoid yet again and I just keep crying and feeling upset. I feel so stressed with everything its unbelievable. I;mm just so overwhelmed. I know how hard it is to get yourself back up onto the ladder to start climbing back up because you just feel like its a never ending battle that you're never going to win. But in times like these we need to tell ourselves that yeah the ladder might be long and you might slip and fall down a little bit some of the time but you know what? That's okay. We're allowed to fall a little because we need to be stronger and have that extra strength to make it to the top of the ladder. Even when we've reached the top and you're walking on a nice sunny flat ground it will still rain and you may slip but its life. Things like that happen. There will ALWAYS be someone there to help you stand straight back up.

Things can be hard at times and it will always be like that, you have to take the bad with the good. When we are in these situations we just need to try and take our minds of it. We need to not dwell on the bad we need to think of all the good things in our lives and talk to someone that can make you smile and make you forget about all the rubbish going on.

It's  easy to say that it'll all get better just pick yourself up and carry on, when we all know its hard to do but the best we can do is try. I'm always here for anyone that needs my help and if we all open up enough to understand what someone is going through or has been through and just listening to someone whether they are crying or just ranting on about it can make such a difference. If you feel like someone actually cares then that can mean a great deal to someone. Not only would you of gained a friend from that but they will be there if you need them to.

Just try not to judge people and instead try to help. Just by talking to someone can mean so much and you'll pick their day up instantly. 

The worst thing when you're feeling horrible and numb inside is feeling alone. You can be with a group of people and still feel like you don't belong and that they wouldn't notice if you slipped away. Make people feel welcome, talk to them. It might be scary at first but the more people you let see the person you are the more you wont feel trapped and alone. You mainly feel alone because no one knows the 'real' you. The version of you when you do cry and you do get angry and upset and sometimes you just feel numb. When you open yourself up and let people see these sides to you they will know when something is wrong and they will be there for you.

No one will know something is wrong if you keep a fake smile on all the time Let people in and things will start to change. I'm going to try and you should all try aswell.